It's something we can all probably relate to. We have those moments - the ones where we
feel insecure, uncomfortable, and may even second guess ourselves. It can become a vicious cycle that prevents
us from achieving a goal, making a change in our lives, or just having a new
experience.
I'm definitely guilty of lacking confidence and wanting to stay
in my said comfort zone.
Looking back at my childhood, that's where it all started. Piano lessons. Oh yes.
I was SO excited to start, practice at home, and get to be part of a
recital. Then my first competition
happened in Lake Geneva, Illinois, where I saw other piano students my age who
were SO much more advanced than me. How
am I supposed to compete with THEM??
Zero confidence. And way out of
my comfort zone. By my junior high
years, I lost interest in playing, most likely because of an irrational fear to
push myself into the "unknown".
It has been the same struggle since, from athletics I have been
involved with, to academic endeavors. I
could always get to a point where I was "good" at something, but then
I would be comfortable in that spot.
Decent results, happy parents (when it came to achievements), and all
was right in the world. So it
seemed. In the meantime, I would
actually miss out on what could be, what I could potentially do. I just wasn't aware because my confidence
wasn't the best, obviously, and thought that I was exactly where I needed to
be.
I would have to say that my academic breakthrough, the time when
I felt I really did have something to offer, that I possessed intelligence
beyond where I had previously allowed myself to go was during my junior year at
Illinois State. You see, I had a bad
semester previously. Who knew that
college professors could see your grades online? One morning, I was on my way to a political
science class - Bureaucracy - when I passed my professor's office and she
called me inside. Dr. Lind asked me what
had happened in that semester. She
couldn't understand how it was that I had the highest grade in the class, all
based on those long, blue-book essay tests, but had a rather tough semester
prior. I explained, of course. From that point on, I knew I could do more
and FINALLY had the confidence that I could.
I maintained that grade, became her TA, then pulled a 4.0 GPA across the
board. WHY had I not realized this
sooner?
As the years went on, I rode that wave. I did well with my post-baccalaureate in
education at Arizona State, followed by a very successful run earning my
master's in English as a second language/linguistics. Success has all been based on confidence in
going above and beyond, being willing to be uncomfortable. It's quite remarkable, and at the same time,
it makes me kick myself for not having that light bulb moment sooner.
Now enter triathlon. In
early 2008, after completing my first two half marathons, I was bored. I didn't want to just run anymore. I needed a challenge. I wanted a challenge. The confidence was there!! ...Until I got in
the water for the first time. Gone were
the days of pool time as a kid, the times where you didn't actually swim, where
you didn't know the difference between freestyle and butterfly. Sure, we saw butterflies...when we were on
the pool deck having a snack in between diving for sticks, pennies, rings - you
name it. THAT was swimming as I knew
it. HA!
Oh was it a struggle. I
let myself fall into the same "rut", questioning how I was ever going
to be able to swim beyond 25 yards to even complete one triathlon. I took lessons and swam with two Masters
groups. I just didn't feel the
progress. No progress=no improvement
with confidence. That also carried over
to bike and run. I felt stagnant. I would finish races, but not with the joy
that I should because I felt like I was in a comfort zone that I couldn't seem
to escape.
Just over two years ago, I won myself a swim session with Frank
Sole of Sole Swim Solutions. This guy is
not about shenanigans questioning your ability and he's not going to sugar coat
anything. I've never been one to believe
in coddling so this coach was right on the money for what I needed. I kicked.
I talked back (and still do LOL).
He challenged me stop saying things like "I hope..." and
"I can try..." when it came to what I wanted to accomplish in multisport. Changing your mindset is quite the task; you
have to consciously be aware of what you are saying and how the negativity is
holding you back, even in simple phrases like that.
We all like reassurance sometimes, but that alone is not going to
build confidence and get you out of a comfort zone. We need people in our lives to test us, to
push us. The old Kathy never would have
built the confidence to be successful in triathlon, hit PRs consistently, and
continue to seek out more to accomplish and improve on. She never would have finished one 70.3, only
to be excited for a second one just a couple of months away. (YAY Kansas!! Two weeks!!)
Coach Frank and I had a post-race discussion a couple of days ago
about the San Diego Spring Sprint last weekend.
We talked about how what started as a setback at the race actually
resulted in a solid performance. The
ladies 35-39 swim wave was posted to begin at 7:30. Of course, I was at the bay early watching other
waves go off. At 7:20, I walked down
toward the bottom of the boat ramp where I saw some other ladies in white
caps. After a few minutes, we noticed a
group of other white caps waiting at the start buoy. Strange since it was a bit early! The next thing we knew, the race started for
them. The announcer had started our wave
EARLY. Yes, the rest of us had to chase
down our wave. HUGE confidence
builder. I caught up to the back
swimmers, passed them, a few others, then grabbed an athlete's foot and moved
her out of my way. I had never been that
aggressive!
When all was said and done, I had a PR on the bike and run, with
my fastest sprint triathlon 5K to date (13/51 AG finish). THAT was
confidence. THAT was going out of the
comfort zone. I had taken a little
setback and turned it into something great.
I didn't let it dictate the whole event, which very well could have
happened with the old Kathy. I even said
to Coach at one point, "I actually don't mind that it happened. It helped me see what I am made of."
That being said, I now have my sights on Ironman Coeur d'Alene
2015. I have said many times that I am
not interested in Iron distance. I guess
that has changed!
You see, confidence and comfort zones in my opinion are all based
on two ideas - fear and failure. Once
you let those take hold of you, it's like an abyss - if you let it be. For me, it hasn't been a self-help book that
has given me eyes to see my potential, that I can still do and be more than
where I am even now. The Lord has taken
hold of my fears and led me through the change.
He has put people in my life like my husband Jon and Coach Frank, both
men of Christ, to support me.
I would like to close my thoughts with two Bible verses, one of
which I came across in my devotional study of "A Confident Heart" by
Renee Swope, and the other is my favorite verse that is on my Road ID. We all can choose - let ourselves fall to
fear and failure, or rise above it.
"But blessed is the man who trusts in The Lord, whose
confidence is in Him." -Jeremiah 17:7
